Good Luck, bad Luck, who knows?

Good Luck, Bad Luck

A father and his son owned a farm.

They did not have many animals, but they did own a horse. One day the horse ran away.

"How terrible, what bad luck," said the neighbours.

"Good luck, bad luck, who knows?" replied the farmer.

Several weeks later the horse returned, bringing with him four wild mares.

"What marvellous luck," said the neighbours.

"Good luck, bad luck, who knows?" replied the farmer.

The son began to learn to ride the wild horses, but one day he was thrown and broke his leg.

"What bad luck," said the neighbours.

"Good luck, bad luck, who knows?" replied the farmer.

The next week the army came to the village to take all the young men to war.

The farmer’s son was still disabled with his broken leg, so he was spared.

"Good luck, bad luck, who knows?"

This week has been a battle for me, I'm really wanting to feel my way through this bit of bumpy road instead of just stuffing it down and forgetting about it.  But it's not easy.  Repressing our difficult emotions seems like the simplest thing to do during times like these - but that pain doesn't disappear just because we ignore it.  Nope, in fact it just festers inside us until it starts seeping out into our lives in ways we often don't even recognize.  By the time it gets to that point we've forgotten that we had forgotten about what ever it was we had tried to stuff down.  We're left feeling confused and wondering when we became so sad or so angry...so whatever.   Best to just feel the feelings right away, just burn right through 'em - afterall, they're just our emotions and our emotions can't hurt us. It only seems like they can. When we surrender and feel our way through we can turn obstacles into opportunities.

This whole experience has been quite the awakening though.  It's pretty mind blowing when I think about how fast I got knocked off track. Just when I finally had gotten to a point in my life where I wasn't taking myself out anymore, the universe gets in there and gives me a shove!  What gives?  Whatever the reason, I know the way through is gratitude and I'm trying to see the perfection in even this experience.  The little story above has been a good reminder.

There is more happening within us and around us that meets the eye,

Love B

Where do you go?

I am responsible for my emotional state.  No one else can make me feel anything.  No one can get inside my head or my heart and press my anger button, my sadness button, my guilt button.  I alone choose what my reaction will be to the situations that arise in my life.  I also know that situations don't just arise in my life at random.  I create my own reality.

I create my own reality.  This is an easy mindset to be in when life is going along 'great - pretty good'.
It gets to be a bit tougher when life is just going 'pretty good - not that great'.
Then there's the odd time when life gets to be 'not that great - really fucking terrible' and we have to wonder why the hell we would want it that way.  Why, if we create our own realities, would we create pain and suffering for ourselves?

I don't have the one answer to that question, I have a lot of ideas I could babble on about, but it's not really what I wanted to ramble about right now.  Besides it's a gigantic and complex question - it could be something we created on a conscious, subconscious, or unconscious level...or it could be some karmic debt from a past life.  I don't think we'll always get to know the "why."
Right now I'm more interested in the "now what?"

So...now what?  If we've created something in our lives that is "really fucking terrible" where do we go?  I don't mean literally where do we go - as in to the refrigerator or the liquor cabinet.  I mean which part of our minds will we identify with?  Our higher mind?  The part of us that can make the most of any situation, the part that will learn the lesson, the part that will accept our karmas?  Or our lower mind, the part of us that wants to keep us small and trapped, keep us as victims, keep us powerless?

Sure, for most day to day circumstances, it's no problem to stay connected with our higher minds.  But I'm talking about when it really counts, when the most terrible of terrible things happen:  Can we accept and take responsiblity that for some reason we created that terrible experience?

For the past couple of months I was the happiest I think I've ever been.  Truly happy.  Blissful even.  I was completey grounded, centered, living authentically and with integrity.  Life was just good, I was truly blessed - I thought nothing could knock me off my center, but also worried that something would.   When things get so good we have a tendency to worry about when they'll be bad again - that whole "what goes up..." thing I suppose.

Then it happened.  A painful experience that brought everything crashing down in a hurry.  I spent the first few days in sadness, guilt, fear and anger.   I was feeling sorry for myself and wanting others to feel sorry for me too.  Part of me is still there.

But I'm ready to take responsibility, to own this. To accept that I created this reality.  It's not an easy place to get to, but just like that I've taken my power back.  I feel a weight taken off my shoulders, I feel free and liberated.   If I am responsible for my emotional state and I create my own reality - I'm finished choosing pain and suffering.

I deserve better than that. We all do.

xo B